I was watching one of my favorite movies, Garden State, and I realized how utterly stupid my life is. Watching Zach Braff and Natalie Portman stand at the edge of that abyss in the pouring rain with trashbags on made me feel so incredibly mundane.
Everyday, I go to school, do homework, volunteer, practice the guitar, workout, and go to bed.
I want to break out of my routine, and do something.
I want to ditch the whole college thing, and just hitchhike around Europe for the rest of my life.
I want to leave home, and join the Peace Corps.
I want to be a foreign exchange student in a South American country.
There are so many things I want to do, yet I'm stuck here. But when I look around, the only thing that's really tying me down, is my own inhibition. Try as I might, I can't get rid of the logical side of me,
"What about money?"
"What about your parents?"
"What if you get sick, or kidnapped, or robbed?"
"What if you get homesick?"
"What about your parents?"
I've been following the same path for so long, there have got to be grooves in the road in my mind. I don't even have to think anymore in the mornings, I just go.
I wish I were the girl that could change someone's life, the spontaneously exciting one that jolts that special person. But instead, I'm the girl who apologizes after you bump into her at the grocery store.
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4 comments:
This sounds like a deeply disturbing problem... Finding yourself and all that jazz.
My advice would be to start steering your life in a freer direction within the limits of your life right now. Eventually, the road will get wider and wider, and soon, the world will be yours.
In two years' time, go for a course like International Relations, or the languages, or anthropology, business... something that will probably take you places. Or start thinking about which summer/winter in the coming years you can most likely use to travel. I've been waiting for this year, my graduation year for such a long time, and I'm just ready to carry out everything I've been planning in the past four or five years for the next... three or four years. Life-planning is a great thing to do when you're feeling bored, as it motivates you to do something different, to steer off the path.
Hope that helps, but don't worry. You've still got more than two years left to work on it.
Michael.
By the way, I've awarded you with the Neno Award.
And I'm interested in your collaborative blog. I've been meaning to start a writing/stories/poetry/lyrics one for a while, with your precise description - just written words that we like. I think it's a great idea, and something I'm definitely open to.
Michael.
Summer is a great time to break out. Just do it. You'd be surprised how you can make the commitment to do something and then the resources will follow. Even if it's just to be wild and unpredictable for one week.
Do something easy... start driving and stop in every town that is less than 10,000 people and talk to one person there. Interview them, get their story, ask them what is important to them.
Or decide you're going to take a picture of yourself standing next to every [insert landmark here] between you and a place 500 miles from you.
There are so many adventures you can make for yourself between now and the end that will keep you revitalized and rejuvenated.
You say you wish you were the girl that could change someone's life... you ARE that girl. You've just not realized it yet. :)
Thanks so much for the tips. I know that I definitely want to do humanitarian efforts in the future, even if it isn't my main job.
Wendy, all of your thoughts made me smile and I can't wait to try them out!
Michael, email me! We should start talking about names and ideas. This is something I really want to do!
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