Please.

Dear _____________,

I don't know how to tell you this, but it's something that really needs to be said. Not only is it an issue with me, but almost everyone else around you. I don't want us to become enemies, in fact, I barely even know you. However, this problem we need to address makes me want to cry everytime I see you.

Your cologne. Seriously. Do you take a bath in it every morning? I even know that the stench you wear is from Abercrombie and Fitch and that you paid $50 for it. I am aware of this fact because everytime I walk by the store in the mall, I can smell it... and trust me, you smell 100x stronger than a store.

I'm sure that whenever you or whoever bought this cologne for you, the little spritz on the sample piece of paper smelled good. That's right: little spritz. Try it. Maybe press down on the little silver nozzle thing once, or twice. Or here's a thought, just take a shower with normal soap and simply smell like nothing. That would be really nice.

I would greatly appreciate it if you took my words of advice as soon as possible. At least before finals tomorrow, that way I can concentrate on my test and not on the inhumane vapors coming off of the back of your neck.

Sincerely,
The Girl Who Sits Behind You